Official JU Democratic response to the election

Alternate title: How to stop worrying and learn to love bush 2.0!

Published on November 3, 2004 By thatoneguyinslc In Democrat

Ahem...

I would like to offer a response from those of us here on JU who supported John Kerry during this election.

("God Bless America" playing in background)

We of the democratic persuasion offer our heartfelt congratulations to the winner of this years presidential election, Mr george walker bush 2.0 Inc. You showed us that it is possible to piss off the majority of the country and the rest of the planet, but still manage to pull it together at the last minute...and actually win a presidential election.

We are looking foreward to another four years of your administration and their wacky hijinks. Four more years of Dick Cheney’s smiling face (it's like sunshine!), four more years of dazzling foreign policy, four more years of this dynamic, vibrant economy and all the fabulous high paying jobs that come with it. Four more years of sane and rational environmental legislation. And twenty more years of fair and balanced rulings from the Supreme Court!

We democrats would also like to apologize for coming off as a tad angry this year. It's been rough for us. (Spreading all those lies and keeping Michael Moore stocked up on Ho-Ho's for 365 days straight will make you a little edgy) We're sorry. We should have realized that it was a lost cause after bush 2.0's mesmerizing appearances during the presidential debates. Most of what he said was so brilliant it was hard for us to understand, being ignorant uninformed voters and all. We were such fools!

We the democrats of JU would also like to apologize to our brothers and sisters on the right side of the political spectrum here on our happy little corner of the internet, who have been so gracious in their victory. We have been mean to you, and we deeply regret it. We were particularly cruel and had no business emailing photoshopped pictures of you to various adult websites. We will be more than happy to send apology letters to any of you where were singled out and your spouses, significant others, life partners, clergy or local party officials. We are deeply sorry for not keeping our silly little opinions to ourselves, and we are going to make sure that in the future we never refer to the president as "Shrub" "Gilligan" or "Rain Man" ever again.
(2.0 is still on the table. Sorry!)

In closing, we finally realize that there's no fighting it. We decided we should just give up and join the Republican Party. It's no use, we can’t win…You got us! We don’t want to fall perilously to the wayside and be left to oblivion. We need to be saved! Please help us help ourselves. We can't do it without your unquestionable logic and reason. We are willing to give up all of our silly beliefs such as personal liberties and affordable heath care. What were we thinking? We should have known that corporate America and the religious right have a better understanding of what’s good for us and we will try to live up to the high standards that they set forth. It’s the least we can do to make up for our transgressions.

Last but not least I would like to send out a personal thank you to Deadzombie for his post which inspired our transformation…This man should run for office! His moving and sympathetic words moved me to no end. (In fact I broke down several times while typing this.) God bless you sir for setting us all straight. We are in your debt!

Signed,
The Democrats of JU

P.S. If you like, we can offer Myrrander, Champas, and/or the liberal of your choice as a human sacrifice if needed. Please RSVP ASAP

Comments (Page 3)

thatoneguyinslc

on Nov 06, 2004

I knows ya loves me Nexus....It's what gets me outta bed every morning

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