Official JU Democratic response to the election

Alternate title: How to stop worrying and learn to love bush 2.0!

Published on November 3, 2004 By thatoneguyinslc In Democrat

Ahem...

I would like to offer a response from those of us here on JU who supported John Kerry during this election.

("God Bless America" playing in background)

We of the democratic persuasion offer our heartfelt congratulations to the winner of this years presidential election, Mr george walker bush 2.0 Inc. You showed us that it is possible to piss off the majority of the country and the rest of the planet, but still manage to pull it together at the last minute...and actually win a presidential election.

We are looking foreward to another four years of your administration and their wacky hijinks. Four more years of Dick Cheney’s smiling face (it's like sunshine!), four more years of dazzling foreign policy, four more years of this dynamic, vibrant economy and all the fabulous high paying jobs that come with it. Four more years of sane and rational environmental legislation. And twenty more years of fair and balanced rulings from the Supreme Court!

We democrats would also like to apologize for coming off as a tad angry this year. It's been rough for us. (Spreading all those lies and keeping Michael Moore stocked up on Ho-Ho's for 365 days straight will make you a little edgy) We're sorry. We should have realized that it was a lost cause after bush 2.0's mesmerizing appearances during the presidential debates. Most of what he said was so brilliant it was hard for us to understand, being ignorant uninformed voters and all. We were such fools!

We the democrats of JU would also like to apologize to our brothers and sisters on the right side of the political spectrum here on our happy little corner of the internet, who have been so gracious in their victory. We have been mean to you, and we deeply regret it. We were particularly cruel and had no business emailing photoshopped pictures of you to various adult websites. We will be more than happy to send apology letters to any of you where were singled out and your spouses, significant others, life partners, clergy or local party officials. We are deeply sorry for not keeping our silly little opinions to ourselves, and we are going to make sure that in the future we never refer to the president as "Shrub" "Gilligan" or "Rain Man" ever again.
(2.0 is still on the table. Sorry!)

In closing, we finally realize that there's no fighting it. We decided we should just give up and join the Republican Party. It's no use, we can’t win…You got us! We don’t want to fall perilously to the wayside and be left to oblivion. We need to be saved! Please help us help ourselves. We can't do it without your unquestionable logic and reason. We are willing to give up all of our silly beliefs such as personal liberties and affordable heath care. What were we thinking? We should have known that corporate America and the religious right have a better understanding of what’s good for us and we will try to live up to the high standards that they set forth. It’s the least we can do to make up for our transgressions.

Last but not least I would like to send out a personal thank you to Deadzombie for his post which inspired our transformation…This man should run for office! His moving and sympathetic words moved me to no end. (In fact I broke down several times while typing this.) God bless you sir for setting us all straight. We are in your debt!

Signed,
The Democrats of JU

P.S. If you like, we can offer Myrrander, Champas, and/or the liberal of your choice as a human sacrifice if needed. Please RSVP ASAP

Comments (Page 1)

thatoneguyinslc

on Nov 03, 2004

Just for the record folks.....This is meant as a JOKE. Thanks!

Dr Guy

on Nov 03, 2004

We of the democratic persuasion offer our heartfelt congratulations to the winner of this years presidential election, Mr george walker bush 2.0 Inc. You showed us that it is possible to piss off the majority of the country and the rest of the planet, but still manage to pull it together at the last minute...and actually win a presidential election.

If it was a joke, why the lower case, condescending title, and lack of proper title? Ok, I get it. Hahahaha.

d3adz0mbie

on Nov 03, 2004

Good call. All your base are belong to us.

Myrrander

on Nov 03, 2004

Thanks for the shout out. I think.

messybuu

on Nov 03, 2004

If it was a joke, why the lower case, condescending title, and lack of proper title? Ok, I get it. Hahahaha.

What he meant is that Monster Island is actually a peninsula!

thatoneguyinslc

on Nov 03, 2004

Buu....you crack me up! You earned an insightful!
I think Dr Guy's prognosis is that he has an aversion to sarcastic humor.. Hell my guy lost and i still think the whole thing is funny!

Myr....We will fight to the death to make sure ya dont get crucified. if you assimilate NOW!

Myrrander

on Nov 03, 2004

Yup. I'm trying my best. I nuked a gay baby whale in an abortion clinic in the name of Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ just this afternoon. While wearing my vintage Nixon/Agnew campaign button and a Ronald Reagan mask. There's hope for me yet.

bakerstreet

on Nov 03, 2004

Human sacrifices have to be human, i think...

thatoneguyinslc

on Nov 03, 2004

Myr, you can be our poster boy for reformation

Draginol

on Nov 03, 2004

Welcome to the Republican party. Once they take your soul, they let you keep a bit of it in a jar. I have mine on the top of my refrigerator so when I get food I can say with my hollowed-out voice "Hi there, little soul. I'm off to feast on babies now.."

Grim Xiozan

on Nov 03, 2004

Badnarik got the most votes of the legitimate third parties and I ralphed at the television twice in these past 2 days, once when the exit polls said Kerry was going to win, and second time when Bush won but than I just went ahead an ralphed on Ralph because he looks better that way!!

Yo quiero Badnarik!!

Human sacrifices, hey, that is my department I run the Virgins and Sluts Sacrificial Offerings Company. We supply sacrifices for all occasions. Hell, we had a big order from John Kerry that we could barely fill and than we got an order from Karl Rove for the fat of unborn babies, which got followed up by Daschle's order for deceased Native Americans (specfically Geronimo, Sitting Bull, Chief Little Turtle, etc.)!!

"We supply them, you sacrifice them!!"

Remember that is Virgins and Sluts Sacrificial Offerings Company down Interstate 66 at exit 6!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Human Sacrificial Plinko!!

shadesofgrey

on Nov 03, 2004

I am laughing so hard I am crying.

thatoneguyinslc

on Nov 03, 2004

You guys kill me......It's nice to see that we can all laugh at this whole mess regardless of party! Well....most of us

Brad...that is the funniest thing i have read for quite sometime!

Grim Xiozan

on Nov 03, 2004

I have Cheney's soul in a Canopic Jar on the mantle above my fireplace, and I tell you what it keeps the room COLD during summer and winter!!

Soul Plinko!!

Dr Guy

on Nov 03, 2004

Buu....you crack me up! You earned an insightful!
I think Dr Guy's prognosis is that he has an aversion to sarcastic humor.. Hell my guy lost and i still think the whole thing is funny!

Nope. I said Haha. As in I see your point, as in ok, as in, it is not funny or sarcastic.

haha. Sarcasm requires some amount of wit.

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