Official JU Democratic response to the election

Alternate title: How to stop worrying and learn to love bush 2.0!

Published on November 3, 2004 By thatoneguyinslc In Democrat

Ahem...

I would like to offer a response from those of us here on JU who supported John Kerry during this election.

("God Bless America" playing in background)

We of the democratic persuasion offer our heartfelt congratulations to the winner of this years presidential election, Mr george walker bush 2.0 Inc. You showed us that it is possible to piss off the majority of the country and the rest of the planet, but still manage to pull it together at the last minute...and actually win a presidential election.

We are looking foreward to another four years of your administration and their wacky hijinks. Four more years of Dick Cheney’s smiling face (it's like sunshine!), four more years of dazzling foreign policy, four more years of this dynamic, vibrant economy and all the fabulous high paying jobs that come with it. Four more years of sane and rational environmental legislation. And twenty more years of fair and balanced rulings from the Supreme Court!

We democrats would also like to apologize for coming off as a tad angry this year. It's been rough for us. (Spreading all those lies and keeping Michael Moore stocked up on Ho-Ho's for 365 days straight will make you a little edgy) We're sorry. We should have realized that it was a lost cause after bush 2.0's mesmerizing appearances during the presidential debates. Most of what he said was so brilliant it was hard for us to understand, being ignorant uninformed voters and all. We were such fools!

We the democrats of JU would also like to apologize to our brothers and sisters on the right side of the political spectrum here on our happy little corner of the internet, who have been so gracious in their victory. We have been mean to you, and we deeply regret it. We were particularly cruel and had no business emailing photoshopped pictures of you to various adult websites. We will be more than happy to send apology letters to any of you where were singled out and your spouses, significant others, life partners, clergy or local party officials. We are deeply sorry for not keeping our silly little opinions to ourselves, and we are going to make sure that in the future we never refer to the president as "Shrub" "Gilligan" or "Rain Man" ever again.
(2.0 is still on the table. Sorry!)

In closing, we finally realize that there's no fighting it. We decided we should just give up and join the Republican Party. It's no use, we can’t win…You got us! We don’t want to fall perilously to the wayside and be left to oblivion. We need to be saved! Please help us help ourselves. We can't do it without your unquestionable logic and reason. We are willing to give up all of our silly beliefs such as personal liberties and affordable heath care. What were we thinking? We should have known that corporate America and the religious right have a better understanding of what’s good for us and we will try to live up to the high standards that they set forth. It’s the least we can do to make up for our transgressions.

Last but not least I would like to send out a personal thank you to Deadzombie for his post which inspired our transformation…This man should run for office! His moving and sympathetic words moved me to no end. (In fact I broke down several times while typing this.) God bless you sir for setting us all straight. We are in your debt!

Signed,
The Democrats of JU

P.S. If you like, we can offer Myrrander, Champas, and/or the liberal of your choice as a human sacrifice if needed. Please RSVP ASAP

Comments (Page 2)

thatoneguyinslc

on Nov 03, 2004

Funny that you bring up the subject of wit....Seeing as you have none of your own to speak of. That makes you an "expert" right?

Nexus

on Nov 04, 2004

And they will joust amongst wires, before the end of days.......
I was so inspired by the collective apology, I turned over a new leaf and got Bush's face tattooed right on my ass. I am starting a cult as well. Right before Bush destroys the entire Universe, I will drink the poisonous Koolaid.
Maybe I should mix up a batch for short notice. Party at my house!!!!!

Grim Xiozan

on Nov 04, 2004

Well why you all commit suicide because of a supposed coming Armageddon I will be pissing on your graves because you ruined my plan for Population Control to counteract the growing overpopulation crisis!! Than I will piss on your graves because the world will still be here after you are gone!!

I REALLY REALLY need to quit pissing in people's Wheaties I think it making people too touchy and sour.

Oh well, there is always tomorrow when I can quit pissing in their Wheaties.

Pissin' in the Wheaties Plinko!!

thatoneguyinslc

on Nov 04, 2004

Grim....your freakin me out...

I was thinking about deleting that guys post, but if i did, you would look like a total wacko. And we cant have that now can we?

Grim Xiozan

on Nov 04, 2004

Grim....your freakin me out...

Well I had to make fun of that post because somebody to the thread a wee bit too seriously, and I loathe the whole defeatist end times attitude!!

Face it the world will not be destroyed until I have my Doomsday Device constructed and yes I have been playing Evil Genius (PC Game and myself) too much!!

Muhahahahaha Plinko!!

DPS

on Nov 04, 2004

"the religious right have a better understanding of what’s good for us and we will try to live up to the high standards that they set forth. It’s the least we can do to make up for our transgressions."

I don't know about them but I always thought their God was an authoutarian communist with all the "Rich will be last so give to the poor" and "fire and brimstone" talk.

I think that now that Bush has proved he will be president for the next 4 years I can go from Anti-Bush back to rooting for the Libertarian Party.

But mark my words... if he tries to free Cuba(supposedly that's what he promised Florida) I will send a media blitz big as I can muster against him, which isn't much.

Myrrander

on Nov 04, 2004

Don't feel bad thatoneguy...Dr. Guy's lone joke is asking each liberal in turn if they are, in fact, Dan Rather. He can't possibly be counted on to laugh at any other joke.

Today I read the Bible to a group of homeless drains on society, burned some toxic waste, conducted a smear campaign against one of my fellow teachers (calling her a flip-flopping french bitch), invaded Syria, and placed wiretaps in all my students' lockers.

I am trying to win a place in the Shrub 2.0 cabinet, especially now that Reverend Ashcroft is leaving.

thatoneguyinslc

on Nov 05, 2004

I just found out that Nexus is my pal Bethany..... She has a warped little brain and sense of humor! Shows what kinda whackos i hang out with eh? (don't slap me too hard beth)...

Myr....I'm thinking you're the perfect candidate for Secretary of "Keepin it real"

Nexus

on Nov 06, 2004

Warped humor or not,
at least I'm not a sick old man.
I love you Brian.

NJforever

on Nov 06, 2004

In regards to mass suicide, never drink the Kool-Aid before anybody else, because they always change their minds once your dead. Im just glad that mad scientist helped me cheat death (twice). I could have sworn the Universe was ending! Both times!

Myrrander

on Nov 06, 2004

*laugh*

Secretary of Lost Causes, perhaps.

But I'd take it.

Myrrander

on Nov 06, 2004

P.S. The Secretary of "keepin' it real" was what Lisa Simpson made Bart just to keep him happy...

thatoneguyinslc

on Nov 06, 2004

yep!

NJforever

on Nov 06, 2004

Ive been trying to become Secretary of "keepin' it fake." Will I have to work with the Secretary of "keepin' it real?"

thatoneguyinslc

on Nov 06, 2004

Uhm.......No, but I'll bet there's an opening in the White House Press room for ya...

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