I'll bet this is pretty close!
A friend sent this to me
> > Subject: REPUBLICAN NATIONAL COMMITTEE CONVENTION SCHEDULE
> >
> > > New York, NY
> > >
> > > 6:00 PM - Opening Prayer led by the Reverend Jerry Falwell
> > >
> > > 6:30 PM - Pledge of Allegiance
> > >
> > > 6:35 PM - Ceremonial Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd
> > > Amendment)
> > >
> > > 6:45 PM - Salute to the "Coalition of the Willing"
> > >
> > > 6:45:10 PM - Seminar #1: Katherine Harris on "Are Elections Really
> > Necessary?"
> > >
> > > 7:30 PM - Announcement: Lincoln Memorial Renamed for Ronald Reagan
> > >
> > > 7:35 PM - Trent Lott - "Re-segregation in the 21st Century"
> > >
> > > 7:40 PM - EPA Address #1: "Mercury: It's What's for Dinner"
> > >
> > > 8:00 PM -! Vote on which country to invade next
> > >
> > > 8:10 PM - Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh after his drug overdose
> > > of
> > pain
> > > "medication"
> > >
> > > 8:15 PM - John Ashcroft Lecture: "The Homos Are After Your Children"
> > >
> > > 8:30 PM - Round table discussion on reproductive rights (Men Only)
> > >
> > > 8:50 PM - Seminar #2: "Corporations: The Government of the Future"
> > >
> > > 9:00 PM - Condi Rice sings "Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man"
> > >
> > > 9:05 PM - Phyllis Schlafly speaks on "Why Women Shouldn't Be
> > > Leaders"
> > >
> > > 9:10 PM - EPA Address #2: "Trees: The Real Cause of Forest Fires"
> > >
> > > 9:30 PM - Break for secret meetings
> > >
> > > 10:00 PM - Second Prayer led by Cal Thomas
> > >
> > > 10:15 PM - Carl Rove Lecture: "Doublespeak Made Simple"
> > >
> > > 10:30 PM - Rumsfeld Lecture/Demonstration: "How to Squint and Talk
> > > Macho
> > Even
> > > When You Feel Squishy Inside"
> > >
> > > 10:35 PM - Bush demonstration of trademark "deer in headlights"
> > > stare
> > >
> > > 10:40 PM - John Ashcroft Demonstration: New M! andatory Kevlar
> > > Chastity
> > Belt
> > >
> > > 10:45 PM - GOP's Tribute to Tokenism, featuring Colin Powell & Condi
> > > Rice
> > >
> > > 10:46 PM - Ann Coulter's Tribute to "Joe McCarthy, American Patriot"
> > >
> > > 10:50 PM - Seminar #3: "Education: A Drain on Our Nation's Economy"
> > >
> > > 11:10 PM - Hilary Clinton Piñata
> > >
> > > 11:20 PM - John Ashcroft Lecture: "Evolutionists: A Dangerous New
> > > Cult"
> > >
> > > 11:30 PM - Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again
> > >
> > > 11:35 PM - Blame Clinton
> > >
> > > 11:40 PM - Newt Gingrich speaks on "The Sanctity of Marriage"
> > >
> > > 11:41 PM - Announcement: Ronald Reagan to be added to Mt. Rushmore
> > >
> > > 11:50 PM - Closing Prayer led by Jesus Himself
> > >
> > > 12:00 Mid - Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary
> > Overlord
> > >