Burn me once..Shame on you. Burn me twice...

Why are people so fucked up?

Published on August 14, 2004 By thatoneguyinslc In Dating

This is gonna be a rant...

This is not about a current girlfriend (since i dont have one right now) This is about someone who recently came back into my life as a "friend"

I used to date her about 2 years ago, it wasnt the most serious realtionship i have ever had, but i did like her and enjoyed her company. My first mistake (burn me once) was i loaned her money when she was broke. Which she never paid back. That happens to some of us at some point in our lives. I'm not poor but also not obscenely wealthy either. It was an amount that i figured wasn't worth sweating over so i gave her a pass. Then she eventually moved away to another state, and i had sporadic contact with her until recently.

She called and said that she wanted to come back for some schooling. She said she had the money to pay for the tuition, room board and spending money, but was having a hard time getting up the funds for the plane ticket. Now as some of you might know, i travel about 110,000 miles a year, and rack up plenty of frequent flyer miles, flight certificates, and lots of misc. perks that us weary business travelers get. I had a flight certificate that i would probably never use anyways, so i figured i would give it to her with no strings attached, just to let her know that i didnt hold a grudge of any sort against her. I even offered to loan her my car to get to class if i wasnt using it.

So i fly home last week, and drop off my bags and head back to the airport to pick her up. She gives me a hug and i offer to take her to dinner because i was starving and figured she was too. We went out and had a nice meal, and i dropped her off where she was staying. I decided to go home and grab my motorcycle and head to the bar and go hang out with some friends. ( its rare that i get to do this because of my schedule) She shows up with her friends to the bar, which is not a big deal at all, and we hang out and eventually i started talking to another girl that i am interested in,( and i think is interested in me).

Thats when i noticed a slight change in the former girlies attutude. I really didn't think it was a big deal at the time, mainly because im a guy and were stupid like that. So the former girlie calls me the next day and we start chit chatting about this and that, and she asks me if she can use my car. I had meetings all week at the office, and (as all IT folks know) needed to use it to haul around some equipment for my boss.I told her this... And that's when she turned on me.
She starts going off on me and accussing me of having "ulterior motives" as far as giving her the plane ticket. I respond by telling her that was not the case and tried to explain to her that i didnt give her the ticket just to either bring her into town to play games with her or try to get into her panties. I considered it a random act of kindness and that my job was very important to me and that it was my vehicle to do with what i saw fit, and reminded her that i might need to use it. So she starts going off on me trying to get me to give into her and i flat out told her that it wasnt going to happen. At this time i was starting to get a little pissed off, and played out. So i tell her that i'm sorry that i couldnt do anymore than i already had and was geting tired of being accussed of things i wasn't actually doing. Eventually i had enough of it and told her that i was not gonna play the game anymore and said that maybe she shouldnt bother me if i wasnt gonna kiss her ass like she wanted, and hung up.

So a week goes by. I'm at the same bar as the previous week. Guess who comes walking through the door? Yep. So shes trying to play eye hockey with me all night and im ignoring her. At the end of the night, i offer to give a female friend (platonic) a ride home on the bike. So as i'm leaving, the former girlie comes walking up all nice with this sweet little look on her face wanting to know if i was still mad at her.

I told her i was DONE with her, and if i was mad.....she would know.

Then she has the fucking nerve to ask me what she did to piss me off.

I looked over and said..Burn me once...Shame on you...Burn me twice.....shame on me! Then i drove off.

Ladies...Does that make me a bad person, or just an idiot for helping her out in the first place?

Thank you for reading this. I feel better now

Brian

Comments

mignuna

on Aug 14, 2004

brian, you're neither a bad person nor an idiot. you're a good guy who behaved in a gentlemanly and chivalrous manner, and you have somehow been made to feel like you did something wrong. you didn't. it sounds like your ex-partner misread your kindness and saw what she wanted to see.

women, huh ?

vanessa/migXX

dharmagrl

on Aug 14, 2004

Ladies...Does that make me a bad person, or just an idiot for helping her out in the first place?

Neither. You tried to be a nice guy, and she either a) mistakenly got your intentions wrong or tried to manipulate you. Without being there and witnessing the whole situation I really couldn't say which it was.

Good for you for standing up to her though!

Trudygolightly

on Aug 14, 2004

You handled the situation admirably! You were very generous to her, and went above and beyond the call....man, she's got some serious issues!!! Let's hope she grows up and becomes more like you, or at least that she doesn't hurt too many more before she's done using people. No! You were'nt an idiot! And you didn't let it go any further, great! Trudy

thatoneguyinslc

on Aug 14, 2004

Thats what i like about JoeUser...Instant validation! Thank you ladies

Varoom

on Aug 14, 2004

Doesn't sound like you are a bad person but I am going to play the ameteur psychologist and say that if this past girlfriend reacted the way she did the night after seeing you with another girl (someone you said you are interested in) she might have been reacting out of jealousy. Sounds like she might still have feelings for you and when you offered the ticket, she had the wrong idea and then turned it on you when she saw you with the other girl. My question is....can you ever really be "friends" with someone you dated without some feelings of jealousy coming up when you see them dating or going after someone else?

Just a thought....

Melissa

thatoneguyinslc

on Aug 14, 2004

I wondered that myself. But the thing is that she has had a relationship or two since, and it didnt bother me at all. I would hate to think she was playing the "what i do isnt what you get to do" game. But in the end i really dont care what she does or thinks. She proved last night that she isnt worthy of my stressing about it. I have, for the most part tried to maintain a civil relationship with those who i was previoudly involved with. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. in the end i think she's just a manipulative user who only cares about herself and will go to any limits to get what she wants.

pttiann

on Aug 16, 2004

No, your not a bad person. I hate it when people play games. I'm a real stickler when it comes to coming right out and telling someone what my intentions are. People who play little silly games like that are foolish and a bit confused I'd say. Next time she calls and asks for a favor I think I'd tell her that you believe that you have done enough for her in the past and you can no longer afford to help anyone but yourself. It does sound like she just wants someone to cater to her every whim. Life's to short for games. Real people are the best friends to have. Sometimes people arn't exactly fond of someone who tells it like it is. But like they say sometimes people can't handle the truth!!! Keep woking hard. It looks like your priorities are in the right place. Keep hangin out and enjoying life. Don't let something such as a women ruin anything for you!!

SSG Geezer

on Aug 17, 2004

You were a lot nicer than I probably would have been,
I don't figure you led her on when you sent her the ticket though did you??
I don't figure you did, and she just thought you said, "USE MY CAR ANYTIME!" because that is what she wanted to hear.
It is good that you are done with that one, she'd have you broke and in the gutter in no time. or at least alienate all of your friends
with her mercenary act. hang in there,. You'll do all right even if you are a democrat.

mignuna

on Aug 17, 2004

see brian ? you're fabulous, treasure !

... AND silky !

vanessa/mig XX

honkychateau

on Aug 20, 2004

Men never learn and women never change...of course I'm a woman so I can say this. We get hung up on the same crap we did ten years ago...men internalise, women externalise. That's why men have heart attacks. I can't really complain - my fella puts up with a lot of my stuff, over the last 12 1/2 years, but I figure I've done the same. You either sweep it under the rug (ours is full of lumps) or you get a life. Good on you for taking a stand against us women who pull this crap.

Women use sex to get love, men use love to get sex.

Yeah, I'm the queen of cliches, but we all know you write the truth when you're drunk....I think there is something in that for all of us.

Peace out.

thatoneguyinslc

on Aug 20, 2004

I agree about truth and drinking. Makes me wish there was a law requiring a 4 drink minimum for all politicians before they go on TV.

My point though, is that even though i'm not sleeping with her (and for that matter even talking to her after this) she thinks that the same old work out tactics (which is why i left her in the first place) will still work. And i had some misgivings about how how things played out. In the end i think standing up to her and putting my foot down was the best and only real thing to do.

I liked the post honky!

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